I once heard a child psychologist characterize the way pre-teens and teenagers experiment with attitudes and styles as simply trying on different versions of themselves. That way of characterizing it resonated with me. But, more importantly, it gave me the vocabulary to consider how I would respond if and when I saw it with my own children. Fast forward a few years and sure enough, I saw it happen.

Children Will Try on Different Versions of Themselves 

It happened with their clothing, their style, their friends, their attitude, and even their gender identity. The time I saw one of my daughters doing something that felt off-brand for them, I remembered the words of that child psychologist and acknowledged it as a part of their development.

In retrospect, I think my parents were progressive-minded enough to do that with me, but I don’t think they had the vocabulary to characterize it for what it was. I went through phases of trying on different versions of myself – some of which caused problems with the school administration.

As Parents, How Can We Respond?

I am grateful that my parents were as tolerant of my experimenting as they were. I think that was an essential part of my growth journey. You may think this sounds like an easy accomplishment, but trust me, the first few times you see, your child trying on a version that goes against the things you believe or how you raised them will be a shock.

It is at that moment that you need to recall the words of the psychologist and find some acceptance of your child's experimentation. That being said, if the version of yourself that they’re trying on causes physical or emotional harm to themselves or people around them, then, of course, some kind of intervention is necessary.

However, if that’s not the case, then I would challenge you to be open to them, saying, and do things that, don’t align with the version of them that you’ve known since they were little.